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Dear Fashion,

It’s been a blast but I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. I’m breaking up with you.

You see, recently I’ve not been fulfilled by our relationship. You’ve failed to satisfy my needs for some time now and, well… I’ve met someone else.

Thermal.

Sure, Thermal isn’t as fun to wake up to in the morning. And Thermal doesn’t fill me with that sense of passion or joy when we’re together. But Thermal looks after me, cares about me and keeps warm at night – something you forgot how to do months ago.

Sure, we had fun over summer. The espadrilles, the denim shorts, heck, even the tshirts with the sleeves rolled up! Oh how we laughed at those sleeves. Yeah, we were a great match.

But things change. Deep down I knew it would only last a couple of seasons.

Perhaps I should have listened to my friends when they said how changeable you were. Or how you made me look ridiculous in public. I guess, in a relationship, you only see what you want to see.

Fashion, you know you’ll always have a special place in my wardrobe. Who knows, maybe in six months time I’ll come crawling back? I just don’t know. I can’t predict the future. I’m not a scientist.

But I’m with Thermal now and its what I need.

It’s over.

Baz x

PS – I’m deleting our pictures on Facebook. You understand, right?

Some people say we’re broken
That society is dead
I don’t know what they’re smokin’
But they need to check their head

Most days we are quite happy
And life, it ain’t so bad
Ok, SOME days are crappy
But they should stop whinging and get the f**k on with it, the miserable gits.

Try flying a kite.

Apologies for swears.
Photo by Tom Orger.

Recently, after a lot of nagging from my better half Chellington, I finally finished her cousin Leah’s wedding video.

Now a wedding video is an interesting thing. Firstly, you’re filming a whole day of stuff. Bride and groom arriving, saying the vows, the confetti, the speeches, the dancing, the cake… That’s a lot of stuff to film.

And I personally love a wedding. You know, a proper knees up… women crying, kids skidding on their knees, blokes getting annoyed at the fact they have to wear a tie at the weekends… it’s just brilliant. Above all, the best bit is everyone having a drink and a dance and generally enjoying life. (Oh, and the more pissed aunties that fall over the better… THAT is what makes a wedding.)

Now all this merriment looks great on camera, especially after a few beers when you’re swinging the camera about, running round people in circles like they’re Madonna and you’re single-handedly creating a Top of the Pops Christmas special.

But all this enthusiasm means you end up shooting tape after tape after tape, which means there’s loads to edit. Soon that promise of ‘Yeah it’ll be done in a couple of days’ has gone right out the window and Chellington is annoyed that yet again she has to make excuses as to why it isn’t finished while I hide behind the sofa, pretending I’m a spy.

BUT NOT ANY MORE.

What last week felt like a bit of a slog, and the cause of much nagging, has now become a 30-minute reel of awesomeness that I can’t wait to show the bride and groom. I feel like I’ve done a good deed… like stroked a sad puppy or helped an old lady cross the road. But even more so, because it’s a REALLY big deal for the bride and groom. It’s their WEDDING! So it’s like helping a HUNDRED grannies across the road or throwing Andrex loo rolls at a MILLION puppies and watching them go bananas. It feels that good.

So soon Leah and Lee will get their wedding video and Chellington will be pleased with me and I will be smug that I did a good thing and all will be right in the world yet again just in time for my birthday. Brilliant stuff.

In my first post I mentioned that I have ladybirds in my house. At first it was just a couple, and that was awesome. We’re not allowed pets in the flat so I felt rebellious, defying the maaaan with my TWO pets. Two tiny, quite pretty from a distance, mainly non-moving pets. I”l be honest, having those ladybirds made me feel alive.

Well now we’ve got a problem. There’s not just two, there’s gradually becoming more and more. Which isn’t too big a deal when they’re the cute red ones with black spots like on those kids books (remember those?). But recently I had an orange one lurking (LURKING!) in the shower, followed by a black one with just one red spot on either side. Man, it looked so evil.

It was like a ladybird Alan Rickman.

So I’m wondering… is this bad for my house? Are they going to act like moths and eat my clothes and my tea towels? Michelle (my girlf) has started freaking out and I’m worried that if she asks me to ‘do something about them’ it will be too late and there will be so many that they’ll form some kind of insect union and have a vote to impose sanctions on me, entirely banning me from my own house, or worse, forget the diplomatic solution altogether and just kick my ass in the kitchen.

So I’m going to step up the ‘capture and release’ policy… The red one on the lamp can stay. Any evil ones are going out the window. And if they DARE try to sleep in my bed, eat my cheese or seduce my woman I will UNLEASH HELL.